Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
