I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
