its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
