It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
