If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize