If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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