dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
