Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ruined the universe
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
