I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
