lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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