Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
