i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
