i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
