And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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