I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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