you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
