Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
