bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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