Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
