so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
