we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
