I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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