i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
