I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
