im drinking this country out of the recession.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
