im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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