your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
