she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize