booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
