My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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