He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
