Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
