A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my liver is dry heaving
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
