here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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