I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
birth control should be required to get into college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
