Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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