I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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