Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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