spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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