the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
