Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
