You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
