As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
