I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
