this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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