I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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