So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize