my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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