I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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