I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
