you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
