My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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