guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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