you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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