It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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