Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
