Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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