just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
