i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
