Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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