you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
