I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
