oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
