the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
