So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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