M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
