Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
