Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You made out with two different species that night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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