Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
