Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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