would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
