Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Boobs speak an international language.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
