so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
