The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize