So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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